The Daily Weigh-In Dilemma and Valentine's Day Splurges

WEEK 6

Current Weight: 284.2 pounds
Pounds Lost: 11.8
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 104.2
Progress Towards Tulum: 31.9 miles (approx. 3494 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (3.5" above belly button) 36.5" // Hips 56.5" // Neck 14"

I missed a week! I plead "crazy, busy work schedule" as my excuse, but I'm back now and still slowly slimming myself.

Despite the fact that Mondays are my official "weigh-in" days (when I record my weight in this blog and use it as my yardstick (or fatstick, I suppose) to track my changes) I actually weigh myself almost every day. A lot of days I see little or no variation, but then other days... During Week 5, I was 284.2 for the last three days of the week. Then, last Monday I stepped on the scale and voila! I was magically 286.2 pounds. There are a lot of reasonable reasons for these kind of variations - water weight gained or lost, normal fluctuations, hormonal shifts, a ginormous meal the night before. The problem is that none of these reasonable explanations can ward off the sneaky feeling of depression that creeps over one when staring down at a weight gain on a "weigh-in" day - especially when you know that you've been eating healthy and drinking water and trying to do everything right. It makes you wonder if you can do it, if any of this is even helping, if it wouldn't be better to just give yourself up as a lost cause. I can (and do) let these feelings wash over me and slide off of my brain like water off of a duck's back. I pick myself back up, I mutter a few imprecations at the scale, I reassure myself with a glance in the mirror that my neck waddle is receding, and I move on. I strive to be better, knowing that even "better" isn't going to cut it sometimes. Some days you are doomed for the upswing, and some of those days will even be "weigh-in" days. It helps me to weigh myself every day(-ish) because all of those 284.2s preceding my "weigh-in" of 286.2 last Monday are a reminder that this IS working, that Monday was an off day, that I need to (as always) drink more water, ride more Marcy, and keep my chin up and my food homemade and nutritious. Of course, it helps even more that even after a weekend of unhealthy eating habits, my weigh-in today was a good one...

Speaking of that weekend, it was Valentine's Day this past Saturday. B got me Lindt truffles, knowing my love for chocolate but also knowing my fear of eating too much of it. He felt that the truffles would be a compromise - not too unhealthy on their own, but still delicious. *sigh* Sadly I threw caution and prudence to the wind and ate the lot with B's help during the day on Valentine's. We also made big ribeye steaks with a delicious roasted mix of broccoli, potato wedges, red onion and garlic. It was heaven. We finished the evening with bowls of homemade apple crisp, still warm and cinnamon-y and delightful. Sunday I made us a glazed ham to carry us through the week. I think with a little ham, a lot of salad and some wheat ciabatta, the meals we have can be delicious and healthy.

To recap Weeks 5 & 6:

• Mid-week lunches of roasted broccoli and shrimp risotto from Week 4 weekend and whole wheat spaghetti with tomato sauce and ground pork
  
• Mid-week dinners of chicken and veggie pot pie and "light" kielbasa with sauerkraut
  
• Twice-daily snacks of steamed shui mai dumplings with sweet chilli sauce (from bbcgoodfood.com), hummus and veggies, or sun-dried tomato dip with pita bread
  
• Weekends of hearty pasta soup soup (from bbcgoodfood.com) and the aforementioned scrumptious steak dinner
  
• 4 days of Marcy-riding
  

As always, I trumpet a continuing cry to myself of:

"DRINK MORE WATER AND RIDE MORE MILES!!!"

Marcy and my daily weigh-ins will thank me.

Asian Food and Cupcakes

WEEK 4

Current Weight: 285.4 pounds
Pounds Lost: 10.6
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 105.4
Progress Towards Tulum: 25.09 miles (approx. 3501 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 38" // Hips 54" // Neck 14"

I spent the majority of the week eating healthy Asian food meals prepared at home by yours truly. On Friday, there were cupcakes to be had, and I ate a dark chocolate one with white chocolate cream cheese frosting without regret, knowing I've been doing well. Then B. and I went to Outback Steakhouse, where I ate half an order of Grilled Shrimp on the Barbie, 3/4 of a 14 oz. ribeye (too much...but so good!) and a side order of broccoli. I did indulge in some of their Bushman loaf (which sounds dirty, but is really just honey wheat bread), but I avoided drinking soda or getting cheesy fries (2900 calories for an entire order), so at least two steps in the right direction!

Other than that, I really need to get back in the swing with Marcy. I only rode twice this past week and that's really not good enough. Especially as I'm only riding 10-15 minutes at a time. So this week I told B. that I would be riding every evening, and I'm really going to try to stick to that.

Besides Marcy, water continues to be my big downfall, especially on the weekends. I'm lucky if I get up to 3 cups a day on Saturday and Sunday, and that's with me carting around a Nalgene everywhere I go in the house. I just can't seem to teach my brain to auto-drink water. I am working on this though - there is a way to break me of my dry ways, I just know it!

Overall, a month has past since I've started this and I've lost over 10 pounds. Since my initial goal was 1-2 pounds a week, I'm very pleased with this result. I don't necessarily expect following months to be the same, but as long as I keep moving forward with this, I think the end results will be just as much reason to celebrate.

To recap Week 4:

• Mid-week lunches of five-spice chicken, gingery shiitake noodles and sauteed garlic baby bok choy (from bbcgoodfood.com)
  
• Mid-week dinners of homemade veggie fried rice
  
• Twice-daily snacks of apples with natural peanut butter (Smuckers is the best) and steamed shui mai dumplings with sweet chilli sauce (from bbcgoodfood.com)
  
• A weekend of Thai-style chicken soup with brown rice (from cooksillustrated.com) and roasted broccoli and shrimp risotto (from my brain-ish - a combination of a nytimes.com recipe and my own risotto talents)
  
• 2 days of Marcy-riding
  

I continue to be very pleased with how this is going. I just need to continue to keep myself supplied with healthy snacks and yummy homemade meals that also keep me slimming down, rather than bulking up.

Waistline!

I looked in the mirror today after getting dressed in my casual Friday outfit of a turtleneck and jeans to discover (gasp!) a waistline. True, at over 280 pounds, it is the sort of waistline I once would have scoffed at as not-a-waistline-at-all but rather a sign of my ever-thickening middle. But today it is a waistline, a definite inward curve of my body below my breasts, followed by an outward curve down towards my hips.

I was so excited I immediately went to B. and said, "Honey, am I crazy or...?" (gesture towards my middle area)

B. nodded. "Yup. Lookin' good. It's working." (It being my healthy eating ways.)

Of course, this is the man who finds me sexy at any weight or curvature, it seems, but I'm taking what compliments I can get right now. Plus I got back on Marcy last night after a brief snow-day-and-laziness induced (4-day) hiatus.

So hooray!

Stress-Eating Chinese Food

WEEK 3

Current Weight: 288.5 pounds
Pounds Lost: 7.5
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 108.5
Progress Towards Tulum: 19.74 miles (approx. 3506 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 39" // Hips 56" // Neck 14"

I hit my first big test since starting this healthy-me plan last night in the form of Chinese Barbecued Pork. My obsession with cooksillustrated.com combined with a love of good Chinese food (sadly lacking in our area) and the Chinese New Year (happy Year of the Ox, everyone) led me to create a large Chinese-based menu for this coming week. So I put B. to work in the kitchen as my sous chef and pot-washer and got down to business. I found healthy recipes for Chinese noodles and five-spice chicken along with garlicky baby bok choy, little dumplings and prawn spring rolls (all at bbcgoodfood.com). And then I decided to try my hand at Chinese barbecued pork. It didn't look that complicated, and it looked really good. The unhealthy factor being fairly high, I compromised by alotting B. and myself 3 oz portions and serving it with brown rice and broccoli. Or such was my plan, at least.

The noodles, chicken, bok choy and dumplings all worked out fine. The snag came when I had to crank up the oven to broil the pork, creating a "lacquer" of marinade/glaze across the top of it. The broil stage was intended for 3-5 minutes. I thought I set a timer, but apparently not so much, and by the time I realized my error, it was 7pm and the pork was a charcoal-like mass of black bits. Normally in situations such as these, when I realize that Sunday is pretty much over, the kitchen is a mess, and dinner isn't something living people should actually consume, I lose it and order a pizza (for both convenience and the stress relief of hot cheese and hot bread and hot grease.) And I lost it a little. I yelled at our oven, I teared up at the hockey pucks of death on the pan, I growled at B. who came in to say helpfully, "Oh, god! They're not ruined are they? But they smelled so good before!" But then I calmed down. B. and I spooned out brown rice and sliced off huge hunks of blackened meat from the hockey pucks to create small chunks of overcooked, fatty, yet-somehow-delicious pork. We took hunks of garlicky baby bok choy and draped them over the resulting mess. We ate about half a pound of meat each instead of 3 oz. and followed the whole thing up with half a cup of Breyer's Double Churn Creamy Vanilla Light Ice Cream (at 100 calories per half cup, it's pure creamy heaven) and a few small chunks of 65% organic dark chocolate. And that was it. I scrapped plans for prawn spring rolls and will use the shrimp and veggies with the leftover rice (originally intended for multiple pork, rice and broccoli meals) to make a light fried rice tonight. Today I went back to eating healthy.

And even though I seriously considered ordering a pizza or eating 2 cups of ice cream instead of 1/2 cup, the notion passed quickly last night - which gives me great hope. I can stress-eat, and it doesn't have to be all bad. I can stress-eat, and it doesn't have to ruin my hard work. I can stress-eat and not blow an entire Week 3 worth of positive choices such as:

• Mid-week lunches of low-fat veggie and chicken pot pie (from Real Simple)
• Mid-week dinners of homemade falafel, whole wheat pita and salad
• Twice-daily snacks of homemade hummus with veggies and whole-wheat pita or sun-dried tomato dip (from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook) with veggies
  
• A weekend of artichokes, salads and cooking healthy food (with the exception of last night's semi-disaster)
• Lots and lots of water drunk - two days I even made it to 8 cups!
  
• 4 days of Marcy-riding (must be upped during week 4!)
  

Best of all, I still lost some weight, and I definitely lost some inches.

Trying to Retain My Water

I've been struggling to remember to drink 8 cups of water a day. My trusty blue (BPA-free) Nalgene sits next to my computer at work, its 32 ounce capacity filled with ice water every morning. And yet I still haven't hit my goal of 8 cups - not even one day!

Today I discovered a little secret, though. I only drink when around others. I'm a social (water) drinker. I had two meetings this morning, each an hour long. My Nalgene tucked under my arm and a yellow notepad and pen in hand, I trotted off to each one intent on the topic being presented. And at both meetings, I drank 2 cups of water. That's 4 cups of water in 3 hours. Which is a lot of water for my pathetic bladder. At the first meeting, I paced myself at least, consuming the 2 cups over the entire course of the hour. At the second, I foolishly finished off the bottle in 40 minutes and spent the last 10 minutes of the meeting nervously checking my watch and praying that I didn't disgrace myself by urinating all over the uncomfortable conference room chair I was perched on. Things got so bad, I started clutching my hands together in silent supplication to the Bladder Gods - please, please don't let me lose bladder control at the tender age of 30 in front of my boss, a project manager and a bunch of IT guys and gals. I considered walking out and running to the bathroom, but I kept telling myself that there were only a few more minutes left. Thankfully, the meeting adjourned on time, and I was able to race down the hall (goodness knows what my coworkers thought!) to the ladies room (located, inconveniently enough, on the other side of the building) for sweet bladder relief. It's been over an hour and I haven't had a sip of water since. It's like I'm broken!

Well, I managed to get 4 cups out of the way before noon, so I just have to buckle down and repeat the exercise this afternoon...Unfortunately, I'm meeting free and on my own. Wish me luck!

P.S. Mission accomplished! 8 cups of water consumed during the day and evening. Now to repeat the feat tomorrow and the next day and the next...

Marcy and Dreams of Jelly Rolls

WEEK 2

Current Weight: 289.1 pounds
Pounds Lost: 6.9
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 109.1
Progress Towards Tulum: 10.64 miles (approx. 3515 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 40.5" // Hips 58" // Neck 14"

I've been menu planning like crazy, and it's been working pretty well. I set up lunches and dinners for myself and B. along with plenty of snacks. There's a lot of repetition, but I'm one of those boring people who can eat the same thing for a week and not get tired of it. I love experimenting with food and new cuisines, but I'm also extremely tied to my habits - I'm a walking contradiction!

Week 2 included the following:

• Mid-week lunches of curried couscous salad (from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook), apricot-orange-glazed pork tenderloin (from my online bible, cooksillustrated.com), 1/2 a cucumber and 2 cherry tomatoes
• Mid-week dinners of whole wheat pasta (thank goodness for Bionaturae, a whole wheat pasta I actually love), chicken, peas, broccoli and low-fat cheddar cheese with a side of Caesar salad
• Twice-daily snacks of curried chicken salad with fruit in half a pita or a quarter pita with carrots and sun-dried tomato dip (also from The Barefoot Contessa)
• Lots more water than normal, but still not quite 8 cups any particular day, despite my trusty BPA-free blue Nalgene bottle
• A weekend of Lancashire hotpot (lamb and barley stew) and salads
  
• The arrival of Marcy, my new BFF/nemesis

Marcy arrived in a big puke-green box on Wednesday, and B. kindly set her up during his lunch hour in our little family room facing the TV. She is gold and silver, slender and attractive...for an exercise bike. With her help, I will be in Tulum celebrating (approx.) 3,526 miles ridden sometime in the next three years. She is also a pain in my ass, quite literally. And a pain in my thighs. I ride her after dinner with Season One of Battlestar Galactica playing in front of me, and even Gaius Baltar's hilarious and disturbing insanity isn't enough to stop me groaning in pain. I'm doing 10 minutes a day so far, and I plan to keep that up throughout Week 3 - it comes out to about 2.15 miles a day. I love Marcy, but I'm pretty sure by the time I reach Tulum I'm going to hate her guts.

There are a couple of good things about Marcy, however. She's a smooth ride, she'll get me to Tulum, and she'll eventually let me eat a slice of this:


I love tracking cooking and baking blogs, and I stumbled across this gem. While normally not a huge fan of the jelly roll, I confess this has me positively slathering on my keyboard. Luckily, I'm too busy being lazy to be troubled into making my own jelly roll, and I'm certainly not going to buy a jelly roll from the store, so for now, I'll just dream of a jelly roll - eaten, perhaps, as part of a farewell dinner before I head off to Tulum, pounds lighter, muscles stronger, and bikini packed!

A Chubby Monkey History

While I have always had some monkey-ish characteristics, I haven't always been chubby. I sported a concave stomach for my first two years of college and was decidedly slender before that (although it was something I only became aware of later...teenagers being teenagers, I was insecure about my looks in high school.) Junior year of college I moved in with my future husband and the chubbification began. By the time I was 22 (and our wedding) I weighed almost 220 pounds. A few years later I topped 260. And this past Christmas I passed 290 and tipped the scales at 296 pounds!

I currently wear between a 22-24. Longer than 10 minutes on the exercise bike has me straining. I've worn fat-girl clothes since I left college, and I turned 30 last June. I'm not ashamed of my body for the most part (except in rather desperate hormonal moments.) I know I'm obese, but my husband seems attracted to me at any size (although I'd rather not test the limits of that!) I like my face, I like myself, but I know that for health and more attractiveness, I definitely have to shed a few...dozen pounds. While I never expect to get back down to my concave-tummy, one-bagel-a-day-for-food and no-sleeping college weight of 165 (which was not very healthy for me), it would be nice to revisit 180 - a healthy weight which allows for some muscles and some pudge.

Now that you know where I'm coming from, let's see where I can go!