A Chubby Monkey History

While I have always had some monkey-ish characteristics, I haven't always been chubby. I sported a concave stomach for my first two years of college and was decidedly slender before that (although it was something I only became aware of later...teenagers being teenagers, I was insecure about my looks in high school.) Junior year of college I moved in with my future husband and the chubbification began. By the time I was 22 (and our wedding) I weighed almost 220 pounds. A few years later I topped 260. And this past Christmas I passed 290 and tipped the scales at 296 pounds!

I currently wear between a 22-24. Longer than 10 minutes on the exercise bike has me straining. I've worn fat-girl clothes since I left college, and I turned 30 last June. I'm not ashamed of my body for the most part (except in rather desperate hormonal moments.) I know I'm obese, but my husband seems attracted to me at any size (although I'd rather not test the limits of that!) I like my face, I like myself, but I know that for health and more attractiveness, I definitely have to shed a few...dozen pounds. While I never expect to get back down to my concave-tummy, one-bagel-a-day-for-food and no-sleeping college weight of 165 (which was not very healthy for me), it would be nice to revisit 180 - a healthy weight which allows for some muscles and some pudge.

Now that you know where I'm coming from, let's see where I can go!

Here I Go Again (On My Own)

WEEK 1

Current Weight: 292.6 pounds
Pounds Lost: 3.4
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 112.6
Progress Towards Tulum: 0 miles (approx. 3526 miles left to go)

It is kind of daunting when you step on the scale and realize you are 30 years old and well over 100 pounds overweight. This is what happened to me over the holiday break, and I knew it was time to take action. Again. I've been trying to take action ever since I topped 220 pounds after my wedding eight and a half years ago. Being six feet tall I was at my combo slimmest and healthiest sophomore year in college, when I weighed around 180 pounds. Last week I topped the scales at my biggest ever - 296 pounds - which means I have 116 pounds to lose. And I can't even blame having babies, since I don't have any yet! I'd like to, though, and soon, and so I have to start pushing myself to get fitter, healthier, and thinner for myself and my future offspring.

I'm trying a multi-pronged approach based on semi-successful (obviously not FULLY successful weight-loss attempts in the past.)

• Weekly entries on this anonymous blog, showing current weight, weight lost/gained, weight still to be lost, and progress towards Tulum, Mexico (I love the beach) on stationary bike.
• Daily entries in my trusty composition book which is still somewhat secret but known to my husband, B.
• Daily entries on sparkpeople.com so I can better track my calorie/fat/carb/salt intake.
• Daily bike rides on a stationary bike (purchased from amazon.com today!) with the ultimate goal of "biking" to Tulum, Mexico. B and I have agreed that when I reach my destination mileage, we will actually go to Tulum to celebrate! It's approximately 3,526 miles, but I figure even if I get there when I'm 40, it will be worth taking the physical trip out there.
• Healthy food and 8 c of water a day without too much guilt or hunger or anxiety.

I don't expect big changes instantly. I know this process will take a very long time, and maybe there will be babies in the midst of it and there will always be setbacks, but I believe if I can just keep pushing towards my goal, I can achieve it. Patience has never come easily to me, but this is too important to mess about with anymore. And I'm too strong to let a moment of I-just-ate-half-a-pizza! weakness steer me completely off course along the oh-well-fuck-it-I-guess-I'm-never-going-to-be-healthy route as it has in the past. If I eat half a pizza, I mark down the calories, gasp in horror and start the next day fresh and anew and healthy again.

Although I probably shouldn't eat half a pizza. I'll keep that in mind going forward.