Chocolate Chips, The Healthy Way

WEEK 15

Current Weight: 284.3 pounds
Pounds Lost: 11.7
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 104.3
Progress Towards Tulum: 59.08 miles (approx. 3466.92 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 37.5" // Hips 57.5" // Neck 14"

I can't believe it's week fifteen! I've averaged around 0.78 pounds lost per week, so I can definitely do better, but I'm still pretty happy with that since (a) I've lost weight and (b) I spent the month of March pigging out and not moving.

Last week was stellar, though. I worked out 20 minutes three times, got my mileage up on the Marcy bike, and ate healthy meals for every dinner. B will shortly be jobless, so we've been cooking at home a lot (A LOT!!!) to reduce the urge to spend money on restaurants (and, in particularly weak and stressful moments, fast food.) But I've been cracking out my many cookbooks and working my way through healthy and filling options.

There are a couple of items my pantry can't seem to do without lately:

• Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Chips: A few go a very long way! I normally have eight chips sprinkled over 1/2 cup of Breyer's Double Churn Creamy Vanilla Fat Free Ice Cream in the evenings - it's rich, delicious, tastes like Ben & Jerry's and is only 130 calories! Mix 16 chips, 3 oz peanuts and 1/2 cup golden raisins for 5 portions of a delicious afternoon trail mix snack.
• Thomas' 100% Whole Wheat Sahara Pita Pockets: These little guys are so versatile. I eat half of one with two Lite Laughing Cow Cheeses or 1/4 cup of veggie-enhanced chicken salad at work mid-morning to stave off the temptation to visit the office candy dish.
• Bionaturae Whole Wheat Pasta: I should be upfront - I never liked whole wheat pasta before I found Bionaturae. I thought the others tasted rough, cardboardy and unappealing, even doused in several cups of sauce. But one day I tried Bionaturae and I've never gone back to regular pasta. The flavor is light, the pasta is a perfect al dente when cooked and I love it with a light olive-oil-garlic topping or a heavy ragu.
• My mom's banana bread recipe: I turn it into muffins every weekend and have a filling, delicious and healthy breakfast every morning! (I'll post the recipe a bit later - it takes about 10 minutes to mix it up and 30 minutes to bake - fast and easy!)

The best part about this is that I've rediscovered my love of cooking. I look forward to planning healthy meals that are fun for me to make. And on Sunday mornings, I set to work in the kitchen. It's a great feeling going to bed on Sunday night knowing that not only do I not have to cook after work during the week, but I have yummy delights waiting for me at every snack and meal!

Reboot #4653

WEEK 11

Current Weight: 286.4 pounds
Pounds Lost: 9.6
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 106.4
Progress Towards Tulum: 45.5 miles (approx. 3480.50 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 36" // Hips 56.5" // Neck 14"

Five times on the exercise bike last week, healthy food all week long, and at least 5 cups of water a day. Finally!

Of course, hard work aside, I got on the scale on Monday after four days of pointedly not stepping on it and read the horrifying result of all this extra attentiveness: 292.2 pounds! The reason you are not seeing that reported above is because 286.4 pounds is what I weighed this morning. And I'm really proud of that, although slightly nervous since I got food poisoning from an evil Dunkin Donuts ham, egg and cheese English muffin Monday morning and so didn't eat at all on Monday and only minimally (3 healthy-but-small meals and 1 snack) yesterday. But I'm thinking positive! I believe in the 286.4 pounds. I feel like 286.4 pounds. Fingers crossed that tomorrow I'm not suddenly ballooning back. I have a bunch of healthy lunches and snacks to eat this week, too, and some fairly healthy and yummy dinners.

So maybe this reboot will stick. Maybe the 286.4 won't be a fluke. But if it is, I know I can do this if I persevere. Even if it means I have to do reboot #4654.

P.S. I adjusted the bike miles after looking at my spreadsheet - my estimates from the last few weeks were totally off. But now it's all good!

Back on Track Again...

WEEK 10

Current Weight: 291.3 pounds
Pounds Lost: 4.7
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 111.3
Progress Towards Tulum: 43.2 miles (approx. 3483 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (3" above belly button) 37" // Hips 56.5" // Neck 14"

Back on track. I only updated 1/2 a day in Sparkpeople last week, but today I have a stack of healthy snack foods on my desk, another stack of healthy lunches for the week in the office fridge, a pile of fruit at home on my counter, and a big pot of beef and barley stew cooling in my home fridge. This morning I used Marcy for 15 minutes and then did 30 crunches. So far I've drunk 3 cups of water today. For the first time in over a month I know that I have no more surgeries ahead and both of my legs are without pain or discomfort. I've lost a pound or two since last week and a bit of inch-age, too.

I had a talk with my mother a few days ago about babies. Both B and I really want them, but the timing never seems to be right, especially since now B is facing the end of his current job as of April 1 (or at least, the end of any incoming $$) and he doesn't have anything else lined up yet. My mom looked me over carefully and said, "Don't worry about jobs or income. Once you've done a month worth of exercising every day, go ahead and start trying again. And try to get up to an hour a day on the bike." So that's my new project. And since B and I want to start trying in April, that gives me a pretty immediate goal.

Today is another day, and tomorrow promises to be one, too. I may have to pick myself up occasionally, but I'm back on track and ready to roll!

The First Backslide and "Comfort Food" Gone Wild

WEEK 9

Current Weight: 293.2 pounds
Pounds Lost: 2.8
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 113.2
Progress Towards Tulum: 43.2 miles (approx. 3483 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (3" above belly button) 38" // Hips 57" // Neck 14"

So this month was a complete backslide. All of my careful menu planning of January was blasted away in a month of (a) two outpatient surgeries on my legs, (b) a good friend's husband slipping into a potentially irreversible coma, and (c) my stepfather being hospitalized for half a week for an infection pretending to be heart issues. "Comfort food" took on a whole new meaning as B. and I rushed home every day to snuggle away the terror of losing each other in a wave of chicken fingers, buffalo sauce, blue cheese and soda. End result? I'm back over 290 pounds, hobbling around on recovering legs, and have consumed so many calories in the past month I'll probably be nominated for some sort of record. The most I've "cooked" over the last month has been toast and reheating canned soup. Time to get back on track! My surgeries are over, my stepdad is fine, my friend's situation is what it is (whether I'm 200 or 290 pounds) and my life has to get back to normal now. Today I will begin tracking my food again (oh, yeah, that fell by the wayside, too) and maybe I can pull this careful work out of the crapper before I'm saying hello to 296 again...

EVLT, Blue Cheese, and Too Much Ice Cream

WEEK 7

Current Weight: 288.0 pounds
Pounds Lost: 8
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 108.0
Progress Towards Tulum: 43.2 miles (approx. 3483 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (3" above belly button) 38" // Hips 55" // Neck 14"

Argh, argh and triple argh! I had an EVLT treatment on my right leg this past week, and I used the surgery, resulting brief convalesence and exciting pre- and post-op drugs as a massive excuse to eat not one but THREE buffalo-chicken-fingers-with-double-fries meals. Not to mention the towering pile of whipped cream, fudge, brownies and ice cream that B. cajoled me into getting after one of the chicken fingers outings. Frankly it's a miracle that our budget survived and that I only packed on 3.8 extra pounds. I blame poor menu planning and my own weak-willed caving to blue-cheese-and-buffalo-sauce-laced menu items.

The EVLT treatment is a positive step for me, as I have had swollen, painful feet and ankles since last Labor Day, and it was finally (!) diagnosed as vascular issues. Week 7 was leg one (Righty) and Week 9 will be leg two (The Troublemaker - don't ask), and hopefully within a month I'll be able to work out more, go ballroom dancing with B., and not get yell-y when people grab my ankles and say, "Good lord, they're huge!" Now my ankles will revert to their decent pre-Labor Day levels of fatness (so people can think privately that they're huge but won't be compelled to grab them.)

So, to recap:

• Too much blue cheese
• Too much buffalo sauce
• Too many fries and chicken fingers
• WAY too much towering choco-blast sundae dessert madness
• Virtually no water
• 4 days of Marcy-riding/walking - a post-EVLT requirement for circulation purposes
  

I have high hopes for Week 8, however - I am setting up healthy meals and snacks for B. and myself, I have a medical requirement to ride my exercise bike and walk, and I'm going to be at work, which always means more water-drinking. Wish me luck!

The Daily Weigh-In Dilemma and Valentine's Day Splurges

WEEK 6

Current Weight: 284.2 pounds
Pounds Lost: 11.8
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 104.2
Progress Towards Tulum: 31.9 miles (approx. 3494 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (3.5" above belly button) 36.5" // Hips 56.5" // Neck 14"

I missed a week! I plead "crazy, busy work schedule" as my excuse, but I'm back now and still slowly slimming myself.

Despite the fact that Mondays are my official "weigh-in" days (when I record my weight in this blog and use it as my yardstick (or fatstick, I suppose) to track my changes) I actually weigh myself almost every day. A lot of days I see little or no variation, but then other days... During Week 5, I was 284.2 for the last three days of the week. Then, last Monday I stepped on the scale and voila! I was magically 286.2 pounds. There are a lot of reasonable reasons for these kind of variations - water weight gained or lost, normal fluctuations, hormonal shifts, a ginormous meal the night before. The problem is that none of these reasonable explanations can ward off the sneaky feeling of depression that creeps over one when staring down at a weight gain on a "weigh-in" day - especially when you know that you've been eating healthy and drinking water and trying to do everything right. It makes you wonder if you can do it, if any of this is even helping, if it wouldn't be better to just give yourself up as a lost cause. I can (and do) let these feelings wash over me and slide off of my brain like water off of a duck's back. I pick myself back up, I mutter a few imprecations at the scale, I reassure myself with a glance in the mirror that my neck waddle is receding, and I move on. I strive to be better, knowing that even "better" isn't going to cut it sometimes. Some days you are doomed for the upswing, and some of those days will even be "weigh-in" days. It helps me to weigh myself every day(-ish) because all of those 284.2s preceding my "weigh-in" of 286.2 last Monday are a reminder that this IS working, that Monday was an off day, that I need to (as always) drink more water, ride more Marcy, and keep my chin up and my food homemade and nutritious. Of course, it helps even more that even after a weekend of unhealthy eating habits, my weigh-in today was a good one...

Speaking of that weekend, it was Valentine's Day this past Saturday. B got me Lindt truffles, knowing my love for chocolate but also knowing my fear of eating too much of it. He felt that the truffles would be a compromise - not too unhealthy on their own, but still delicious. *sigh* Sadly I threw caution and prudence to the wind and ate the lot with B's help during the day on Valentine's. We also made big ribeye steaks with a delicious roasted mix of broccoli, potato wedges, red onion and garlic. It was heaven. We finished the evening with bowls of homemade apple crisp, still warm and cinnamon-y and delightful. Sunday I made us a glazed ham to carry us through the week. I think with a little ham, a lot of salad and some wheat ciabatta, the meals we have can be delicious and healthy.

To recap Weeks 5 & 6:

• Mid-week lunches of roasted broccoli and shrimp risotto from Week 4 weekend and whole wheat spaghetti with tomato sauce and ground pork
  
• Mid-week dinners of chicken and veggie pot pie and "light" kielbasa with sauerkraut
  
• Twice-daily snacks of steamed shui mai dumplings with sweet chilli sauce (from bbcgoodfood.com), hummus and veggies, or sun-dried tomato dip with pita bread
  
• Weekends of hearty pasta soup soup (from bbcgoodfood.com) and the aforementioned scrumptious steak dinner
  
• 4 days of Marcy-riding
  

As always, I trumpet a continuing cry to myself of:

"DRINK MORE WATER AND RIDE MORE MILES!!!"

Marcy and my daily weigh-ins will thank me.

Asian Food and Cupcakes

WEEK 4

Current Weight: 285.4 pounds
Pounds Lost: 10.6
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 105.4
Progress Towards Tulum: 25.09 miles (approx. 3501 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 38" // Hips 54" // Neck 14"

I spent the majority of the week eating healthy Asian food meals prepared at home by yours truly. On Friday, there were cupcakes to be had, and I ate a dark chocolate one with white chocolate cream cheese frosting without regret, knowing I've been doing well. Then B. and I went to Outback Steakhouse, where I ate half an order of Grilled Shrimp on the Barbie, 3/4 of a 14 oz. ribeye (too much...but so good!) and a side order of broccoli. I did indulge in some of their Bushman loaf (which sounds dirty, but is really just honey wheat bread), but I avoided drinking soda or getting cheesy fries (2900 calories for an entire order), so at least two steps in the right direction!

Other than that, I really need to get back in the swing with Marcy. I only rode twice this past week and that's really not good enough. Especially as I'm only riding 10-15 minutes at a time. So this week I told B. that I would be riding every evening, and I'm really going to try to stick to that.

Besides Marcy, water continues to be my big downfall, especially on the weekends. I'm lucky if I get up to 3 cups a day on Saturday and Sunday, and that's with me carting around a Nalgene everywhere I go in the house. I just can't seem to teach my brain to auto-drink water. I am working on this though - there is a way to break me of my dry ways, I just know it!

Overall, a month has past since I've started this and I've lost over 10 pounds. Since my initial goal was 1-2 pounds a week, I'm very pleased with this result. I don't necessarily expect following months to be the same, but as long as I keep moving forward with this, I think the end results will be just as much reason to celebrate.

To recap Week 4:

• Mid-week lunches of five-spice chicken, gingery shiitake noodles and sauteed garlic baby bok choy (from bbcgoodfood.com)
  
• Mid-week dinners of homemade veggie fried rice
  
• Twice-daily snacks of apples with natural peanut butter (Smuckers is the best) and steamed shui mai dumplings with sweet chilli sauce (from bbcgoodfood.com)
  
• A weekend of Thai-style chicken soup with brown rice (from cooksillustrated.com) and roasted broccoli and shrimp risotto (from my brain-ish - a combination of a nytimes.com recipe and my own risotto talents)
  
• 2 days of Marcy-riding
  

I continue to be very pleased with how this is going. I just need to continue to keep myself supplied with healthy snacks and yummy homemade meals that also keep me slimming down, rather than bulking up.

Waistline!

I looked in the mirror today after getting dressed in my casual Friday outfit of a turtleneck and jeans to discover (gasp!) a waistline. True, at over 280 pounds, it is the sort of waistline I once would have scoffed at as not-a-waistline-at-all but rather a sign of my ever-thickening middle. But today it is a waistline, a definite inward curve of my body below my breasts, followed by an outward curve down towards my hips.

I was so excited I immediately went to B. and said, "Honey, am I crazy or...?" (gesture towards my middle area)

B. nodded. "Yup. Lookin' good. It's working." (It being my healthy eating ways.)

Of course, this is the man who finds me sexy at any weight or curvature, it seems, but I'm taking what compliments I can get right now. Plus I got back on Marcy last night after a brief snow-day-and-laziness induced (4-day) hiatus.

So hooray!

Stress-Eating Chinese Food

WEEK 3

Current Weight: 288.5 pounds
Pounds Lost: 7.5
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 108.5
Progress Towards Tulum: 19.74 miles (approx. 3506 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 39" // Hips 56" // Neck 14"

I hit my first big test since starting this healthy-me plan last night in the form of Chinese Barbecued Pork. My obsession with cooksillustrated.com combined with a love of good Chinese food (sadly lacking in our area) and the Chinese New Year (happy Year of the Ox, everyone) led me to create a large Chinese-based menu for this coming week. So I put B. to work in the kitchen as my sous chef and pot-washer and got down to business. I found healthy recipes for Chinese noodles and five-spice chicken along with garlicky baby bok choy, little dumplings and prawn spring rolls (all at bbcgoodfood.com). And then I decided to try my hand at Chinese barbecued pork. It didn't look that complicated, and it looked really good. The unhealthy factor being fairly high, I compromised by alotting B. and myself 3 oz portions and serving it with brown rice and broccoli. Or such was my plan, at least.

The noodles, chicken, bok choy and dumplings all worked out fine. The snag came when I had to crank up the oven to broil the pork, creating a "lacquer" of marinade/glaze across the top of it. The broil stage was intended for 3-5 minutes. I thought I set a timer, but apparently not so much, and by the time I realized my error, it was 7pm and the pork was a charcoal-like mass of black bits. Normally in situations such as these, when I realize that Sunday is pretty much over, the kitchen is a mess, and dinner isn't something living people should actually consume, I lose it and order a pizza (for both convenience and the stress relief of hot cheese and hot bread and hot grease.) And I lost it a little. I yelled at our oven, I teared up at the hockey pucks of death on the pan, I growled at B. who came in to say helpfully, "Oh, god! They're not ruined are they? But they smelled so good before!" But then I calmed down. B. and I spooned out brown rice and sliced off huge hunks of blackened meat from the hockey pucks to create small chunks of overcooked, fatty, yet-somehow-delicious pork. We took hunks of garlicky baby bok choy and draped them over the resulting mess. We ate about half a pound of meat each instead of 3 oz. and followed the whole thing up with half a cup of Breyer's Double Churn Creamy Vanilla Light Ice Cream (at 100 calories per half cup, it's pure creamy heaven) and a few small chunks of 65% organic dark chocolate. And that was it. I scrapped plans for prawn spring rolls and will use the shrimp and veggies with the leftover rice (originally intended for multiple pork, rice and broccoli meals) to make a light fried rice tonight. Today I went back to eating healthy.

And even though I seriously considered ordering a pizza or eating 2 cups of ice cream instead of 1/2 cup, the notion passed quickly last night - which gives me great hope. I can stress-eat, and it doesn't have to be all bad. I can stress-eat, and it doesn't have to ruin my hard work. I can stress-eat and not blow an entire Week 3 worth of positive choices such as:

• Mid-week lunches of low-fat veggie and chicken pot pie (from Real Simple)
• Mid-week dinners of homemade falafel, whole wheat pita and salad
• Twice-daily snacks of homemade hummus with veggies and whole-wheat pita or sun-dried tomato dip (from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook) with veggies
  
• A weekend of artichokes, salads and cooking healthy food (with the exception of last night's semi-disaster)
• Lots and lots of water drunk - two days I even made it to 8 cups!
  
• 4 days of Marcy-riding (must be upped during week 4!)
  

Best of all, I still lost some weight, and I definitely lost some inches.

Trying to Retain My Water

I've been struggling to remember to drink 8 cups of water a day. My trusty blue (BPA-free) Nalgene sits next to my computer at work, its 32 ounce capacity filled with ice water every morning. And yet I still haven't hit my goal of 8 cups - not even one day!

Today I discovered a little secret, though. I only drink when around others. I'm a social (water) drinker. I had two meetings this morning, each an hour long. My Nalgene tucked under my arm and a yellow notepad and pen in hand, I trotted off to each one intent on the topic being presented. And at both meetings, I drank 2 cups of water. That's 4 cups of water in 3 hours. Which is a lot of water for my pathetic bladder. At the first meeting, I paced myself at least, consuming the 2 cups over the entire course of the hour. At the second, I foolishly finished off the bottle in 40 minutes and spent the last 10 minutes of the meeting nervously checking my watch and praying that I didn't disgrace myself by urinating all over the uncomfortable conference room chair I was perched on. Things got so bad, I started clutching my hands together in silent supplication to the Bladder Gods - please, please don't let me lose bladder control at the tender age of 30 in front of my boss, a project manager and a bunch of IT guys and gals. I considered walking out and running to the bathroom, but I kept telling myself that there were only a few more minutes left. Thankfully, the meeting adjourned on time, and I was able to race down the hall (goodness knows what my coworkers thought!) to the ladies room (located, inconveniently enough, on the other side of the building) for sweet bladder relief. It's been over an hour and I haven't had a sip of water since. It's like I'm broken!

Well, I managed to get 4 cups out of the way before noon, so I just have to buckle down and repeat the exercise this afternoon...Unfortunately, I'm meeting free and on my own. Wish me luck!

P.S. Mission accomplished! 8 cups of water consumed during the day and evening. Now to repeat the feat tomorrow and the next day and the next...

Marcy and Dreams of Jelly Rolls

WEEK 2

Current Weight: 289.1 pounds
Pounds Lost: 6.9
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 109.1
Progress Towards Tulum: 10.64 miles (approx. 3515 miles left to go)
Measurements: Waist (4" above belly button) 40.5" // Hips 58" // Neck 14"

I've been menu planning like crazy, and it's been working pretty well. I set up lunches and dinners for myself and B. along with plenty of snacks. There's a lot of repetition, but I'm one of those boring people who can eat the same thing for a week and not get tired of it. I love experimenting with food and new cuisines, but I'm also extremely tied to my habits - I'm a walking contradiction!

Week 2 included the following:

• Mid-week lunches of curried couscous salad (from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook), apricot-orange-glazed pork tenderloin (from my online bible, cooksillustrated.com), 1/2 a cucumber and 2 cherry tomatoes
• Mid-week dinners of whole wheat pasta (thank goodness for Bionaturae, a whole wheat pasta I actually love), chicken, peas, broccoli and low-fat cheddar cheese with a side of Caesar salad
• Twice-daily snacks of curried chicken salad with fruit in half a pita or a quarter pita with carrots and sun-dried tomato dip (also from The Barefoot Contessa)
• Lots more water than normal, but still not quite 8 cups any particular day, despite my trusty BPA-free blue Nalgene bottle
• A weekend of Lancashire hotpot (lamb and barley stew) and salads
  
• The arrival of Marcy, my new BFF/nemesis

Marcy arrived in a big puke-green box on Wednesday, and B. kindly set her up during his lunch hour in our little family room facing the TV. She is gold and silver, slender and attractive...for an exercise bike. With her help, I will be in Tulum celebrating (approx.) 3,526 miles ridden sometime in the next three years. She is also a pain in my ass, quite literally. And a pain in my thighs. I ride her after dinner with Season One of Battlestar Galactica playing in front of me, and even Gaius Baltar's hilarious and disturbing insanity isn't enough to stop me groaning in pain. I'm doing 10 minutes a day so far, and I plan to keep that up throughout Week 3 - it comes out to about 2.15 miles a day. I love Marcy, but I'm pretty sure by the time I reach Tulum I'm going to hate her guts.

There are a couple of good things about Marcy, however. She's a smooth ride, she'll get me to Tulum, and she'll eventually let me eat a slice of this:


I love tracking cooking and baking blogs, and I stumbled across this gem. While normally not a huge fan of the jelly roll, I confess this has me positively slathering on my keyboard. Luckily, I'm too busy being lazy to be troubled into making my own jelly roll, and I'm certainly not going to buy a jelly roll from the store, so for now, I'll just dream of a jelly roll - eaten, perhaps, as part of a farewell dinner before I head off to Tulum, pounds lighter, muscles stronger, and bikini packed!

A Chubby Monkey History

While I have always had some monkey-ish characteristics, I haven't always been chubby. I sported a concave stomach for my first two years of college and was decidedly slender before that (although it was something I only became aware of later...teenagers being teenagers, I was insecure about my looks in high school.) Junior year of college I moved in with my future husband and the chubbification began. By the time I was 22 (and our wedding) I weighed almost 220 pounds. A few years later I topped 260. And this past Christmas I passed 290 and tipped the scales at 296 pounds!

I currently wear between a 22-24. Longer than 10 minutes on the exercise bike has me straining. I've worn fat-girl clothes since I left college, and I turned 30 last June. I'm not ashamed of my body for the most part (except in rather desperate hormonal moments.) I know I'm obese, but my husband seems attracted to me at any size (although I'd rather not test the limits of that!) I like my face, I like myself, but I know that for health and more attractiveness, I definitely have to shed a few...dozen pounds. While I never expect to get back down to my concave-tummy, one-bagel-a-day-for-food and no-sleeping college weight of 165 (which was not very healthy for me), it would be nice to revisit 180 - a healthy weight which allows for some muscles and some pudge.

Now that you know where I'm coming from, let's see where I can go!

Here I Go Again (On My Own)

WEEK 1

Current Weight: 292.6 pounds
Pounds Lost: 3.4
Pounds Still To Lose For Goal Weight: 112.6
Progress Towards Tulum: 0 miles (approx. 3526 miles left to go)

It is kind of daunting when you step on the scale and realize you are 30 years old and well over 100 pounds overweight. This is what happened to me over the holiday break, and I knew it was time to take action. Again. I've been trying to take action ever since I topped 220 pounds after my wedding eight and a half years ago. Being six feet tall I was at my combo slimmest and healthiest sophomore year in college, when I weighed around 180 pounds. Last week I topped the scales at my biggest ever - 296 pounds - which means I have 116 pounds to lose. And I can't even blame having babies, since I don't have any yet! I'd like to, though, and soon, and so I have to start pushing myself to get fitter, healthier, and thinner for myself and my future offspring.

I'm trying a multi-pronged approach based on semi-successful (obviously not FULLY successful weight-loss attempts in the past.)

• Weekly entries on this anonymous blog, showing current weight, weight lost/gained, weight still to be lost, and progress towards Tulum, Mexico (I love the beach) on stationary bike.
• Daily entries in my trusty composition book which is still somewhat secret but known to my husband, B.
• Daily entries on sparkpeople.com so I can better track my calorie/fat/carb/salt intake.
• Daily bike rides on a stationary bike (purchased from amazon.com today!) with the ultimate goal of "biking" to Tulum, Mexico. B and I have agreed that when I reach my destination mileage, we will actually go to Tulum to celebrate! It's approximately 3,526 miles, but I figure even if I get there when I'm 40, it will be worth taking the physical trip out there.
• Healthy food and 8 c of water a day without too much guilt or hunger or anxiety.

I don't expect big changes instantly. I know this process will take a very long time, and maybe there will be babies in the midst of it and there will always be setbacks, but I believe if I can just keep pushing towards my goal, I can achieve it. Patience has never come easily to me, but this is too important to mess about with anymore. And I'm too strong to let a moment of I-just-ate-half-a-pizza! weakness steer me completely off course along the oh-well-fuck-it-I-guess-I'm-never-going-to-be-healthy route as it has in the past. If I eat half a pizza, I mark down the calories, gasp in horror and start the next day fresh and anew and healthy again.

Although I probably shouldn't eat half a pizza. I'll keep that in mind going forward.